Cliff Laine
Toilet Attendant (Unemployed)
- Location
- Lancaster, United Kingdom
- Industry
- Photography
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Cliff Laine's Overview
- Past
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- Toilet Attendant at Grimsby Municipal Hygiene and Waste Disposal Department
- Education
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- Lincoln Prison, Education Wing
- Connections
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28 connections
Cliff Laine's Summary
I have over twenty years' experience in the Municipal Hygiene Sector. Since joining Grimsby and Cleethorpes Borough Council as a Toilet Roll Replacement Operative Assistant (Assistant) (Assistant) in 1991 I have excelled in a variety of rolls, including Andrex and another brand I cannot spell but which was produced by a Swedish Feminist Workers' Co-operative in Göteborg using wind power. I was instrumental in reintroducing Izal into several nightclubs and pubs in Grimsby to combat the problem of drug-related toilet roll theft and its impact on the night-time economy of North Lincolnshire through a downgraded experiential bottom contact experience quality.
Drawing on this and my previous experience, I am currently writing a book entitled Vomit: Perspectives from Grimsby.
Specialties
Misdirected micturation mitigation.
Cliff Laine's Experience
Toilet Attendant
Grimsby Municipal Hygiene and Waste Disposal Department
June 2007 – September 2009 (2 years 4 months)
In my dynamic capacity as Toilet Attendant, I was responsible for all aspects of slippage avoidance, urine disposal and frottage prevention. Taking a pro-active attitude to customer service, I was sacked in 2009 after an unfortunate misunderstanding with an unusually well-developed 15-year-old girl who interpreted the gathering of images of her on my mobile phone for the purposes of crime prevention as an intrusion on her cubicle, which led to a brief spell in prison.
Following my recent release I am studying for a degree in Strategic Municipal Hygiene Customer Service Support Management Studies at Lincolnshire Metropolitan University (formerly Grimsby Drugscope).
Cliff Laine's Education
Lincoln Prison, Education Wing
Introduction to Knife and Fork Use Skills
2009 – 2009
I voluntarily joined this course whilst I was mistakenly detained in Lincoln Prison for sex offences I didn't commit. During a Prison Management Customer Development Target Skills Impact Business KnowledgeTransfer Interdisciplinary Strategic Consultancy Attainment Support Session, my food eating skills failed to reach target 1a) Basic, and it was identified as a desired training outcome that I needed to learn to use a knife and fork, having had a mainly pie-based diet most of my life.
I am now fully competent in the level demanded by the course and have applied for further study which will advance my skills to the point at which I can balance peas on the back of my fork like Nancy Mitford and fold a napkin in the shape of a flamingo.
Activities and Societies: I am an amateur Picture Editor and am in involved on a nightly basis in the selection and preparation of images from a range of sources including Penthouse and Nuns Go Bad Monthly.
Cliff Laine's Additional Information
- Interests:
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Drinking, looking out of the window, bicycle seats.
- Groups and Associations:
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I enjoy sniffing bicycle seats and I am hoping to start an instant alert network on Twitter in order to rapidly share information about particularly stimulating seats and their locations.
- Honors and Awards:
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Whilst in prison I was privately informed that my Probation Officer thought I was "Man Most Likely To Reoffend in 2010".
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